So If You Must Suffer, Suffer Well

It’s really easy to get frustrated with what feels like endless suffering.

Overwhelm, heart ache, physical pain or illness, financial struggle and strained relationships are dark clouds that make it hard for us to see the sun or believe it’s still there.

Winter reminds me of this, not just because I’m surrounded by cold, gray dampness, but because of the impact it has on my mind and body.

I thrive in sunshine, dry warmth and hot earth under my feet. So winter in the Pacific Northwest almost feels abusive to me. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the cold or rain, I often do. But just as often, it turns on me ( or maybe my body does) - regardless - Some days, and even weeks, it pushes up against me so relentlessly that I can’t stand up to it anymore.

It forces me into an involuntary retreat where I must decide whether to suffer with a raised fist or in trusting surrender.

It’s easier to yell and fight and beg for an explanation as to why none of the ‘right things’ I’m doing are working for me. I want to know if and why I’m being punished. I feel rejected and abandoned and it destabilizes me…

But only when I raise my fist.

Trusting surrender is a totally different experience.

It isn’t easy, especially as long as trust feels foreign, but overriding my pattern of defensive gut reaction starts with a simple choice.

The ache and pain, fatigue and frustration are still completely present, but I process them differently. The Holy Spirit invites me to hand all those understandable and confused feelings to Him because He is the perfecter of all things broken, and for me to ever have full healing, I have to hand over what I can’t fix - to Him.

I do a lot to heal and strengthen myself and these things are vital for proper living and stewardship of the body given to me.

Unfortunately, while much of the pain we carry is a result of our unhealthy patterns and choices, we also carry deeper burdens as a result of others mistreatment of us - including the epigenetic scars of our families and ancient ancestries.

These things took time to become the layers of dysfunction and disease we carry.

The harsh reality is that no matter how right you do things, you can’t avoid certain suffering.

This is the lesson I’m learning through right now.

No matter how right you do things, you can’t avoid suffering.

Because the dysfunction you/I/we experience is deeper than our eyes can see and hands can control. It’s interpersonal, it’s supernatural, it’s part of life at this time on earth.

And so, while it’s vital that we care for ourselves with dedication, wisdom and self control - it’s just as important to, when we suffer - suffer well.

To suffer well, is not to get caught up in what we do or don’t deserve, but to welcome God’s promised grace to endure it triumphantly.

Not like a boss or a badass or a warrior queen, but as a deeply loved daughter of the Father King who knows how it all works out for good in the end, whenever that might be.

His Word spoke all life into being. All of nature and humanity move and breathe and remain by His hand. If He says, I can do and get through all things by keeping close to Him -

I can.

Which reminds me that, when the cold, gray and damp weather takes me out of commission, I get to use that time to rest in His presence, the way I rest in my dry warm bed, during a storm.

It’s happening. I can’t change it. But I can be held safe and nourishing within it.

Remembering - that however dark and threatening the storm's clouds may seem, they will pass. And when they do, the Son will be felt and seen magnificently.

Perhaps accompanied by a rainbow - as if to remind me, with beautiful clarity, that He was there the whole time: I wasn’t abandoned or forsaken. Life simply happened.

The measure by which we cling to Him,

Determines the measure of joy and peace we experience going through it.

Be encouraged. Fix your eyes on the One who knit you together and knows you best. His grace sustains those that put true faith in Him.

Navae